


What Will Become Of Us (Part 3)

by westallenkiss



Series: Shampoo [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Malec, Malec Smut, Protective Magnus Bane, alec lightwood - Freeform, magnus bane - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 23:51:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15983132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westallenkiss/pseuds/westallenkiss
Summary: It's Magnus' turn to ask the questions, something doesn't feel right and he won't let Alec leave his side until he admits everything.





	What Will Become Of Us (Part 3)

**Author's Note:**

> A few things need to be noted:
> 
> 1\. I have had notes on Episode 2x08 for a really long time with what Alec heard vs what was really said while he was standing on the ledge. I never looked to see if anyone in the fandom ever wrote anything because I wanted to write all my own thoughts on the matter one day. It wasn't until recently someone on twitter brought it up and made me take a look at my notes to see that I can and will write to it.  
> 2\. This is all fiction, my version of what is really in Alec's head while he's standing on the ledge. I want to write to it the best I can and hope you all like it.  
> 3\. I am adding to my series because I can easily tie it into it, I never thought I'd get this far.  
> 4\. The song "What Will Become Of Us" by Phillip Phillips still has inspired this fic, and a new song ["Finally Free"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWs7CRvV9Bg) By Niall Horan has inspired this too.

Magnus woke up first in the aftermath. That was usually how it went. His dear Alec always asleep, loving and enjoying his sleep. He wondered if he even slept when they weren't together in bed. After Magnus told him that he didn't want him moving in with him, he did more often stay home in The Institute more than Magnus wished he’d stay with him. Magnus realized he should have admitted he wanted him to stay as often as he wanted, but after that small fight they had about his "box of memories" and if he was being honest Magnus hated that Alec put words into his mouth that morning he cooked breakfast for him. It made Magnus realize something very important about the Shadowhunter though: _He was afraid of being alone._ And not only was he afraid of being alone, Magnus knew he was afraid no one would remember him. Magnus did not want to be thinking about this while his boyfriend slept, but it was consuming him at the moment because of how he came to his loft with all of those questions about himself. Alec was insecure in the worst way, and Magnus knew even if he never admitted it and said to him 'it was just the magic' while he was on that ledge - Magnus was well aware it wasn't just that and now he was the one with all of the questions. He wasn't going to leave the bed this time, not even to make the Shadowhunter some breakfast, instead he watched him, looked over him, and made sure he was still breathing. There was a soft smile on Alec's face too, and that was very rewarding, he knew he would wake up shortly. 

Sure enough, slowly Alec's eyes fluttered, and were opening to his boyfriend staring at him with that look of love and adoration for him, "Mmm, well this isn't something I normally wake up to..." Alec breathed in happily, reaching out to touch Magnus' face. "Usually you're in your chair, thinking, or making some breakfast...what do I owe the pleasure?" 

"Alec...are you really being sarcastic with me right now?" Magnus couldn't help but laugh and scrunch his nose at him. His head softly resting against his hand underneath his face as he took his other hand into his and held on to it tightly.

"Magnus, please. I mean at least you know when I am being sarcastic, because when you are forget about it...I'm as lost as I ever was..." Alec laughed too, looking at Magnus' little nose scrunch and loving it so much, he couldn't help but giggle on for a moment. This was nice, really nice to be able to have these moments in the morning and Alec still did wish he could have had it and be able to never have to leave the Warlock's side.

"Mm," Magnus murmured a bit, "You are quite cute when you are confused, but I have something to ask you this time..." Magnus continued staring directly into those soft but dark brown/hazel eyes that had no real true color other than being Alec's beautiful eyes. Alec nodded softly, his features furrowing a bit as he was very curious to what he had to ask him. "Alec, I need you to me honest with me, no beating around any kind of bush, do I make myself clear?"

Alec looked to Magnus very concerned now, but nodded, "Crystal...but Magnus..."

"Ah, no but's... shhhh." Magnus kissed his lips chastely before pulling back softly, holding on to his hand even tighter as if to say _don't you dare let me go..._ "Listen, that night I had to use my magic to save your life and pull you from the ledge, you said things that I am remembering now because of the way you came here yesterday demanding I answer all your questions about why I love you..." Magnus trailed off but he didn't want to, he could feel himself starting to tear up, and he wanted to be so much stronger for Alec.

"Magnus..."

"No. Don't. Listen, Alec...please listen...I'm sorry...I didn't think I'd get this emotional, but it's because I love you and I know that the magic brought out your fears...you are afraid of being alone, you are afraid that when you die no one is going to remember you...and most of all, god I can't believe this, but Alec if I didn't pull you from that ledge, we all who care about you would have lost you. You heard Clary say to you she wished it was you rather than her mother who died, and how weak you were that you let a demon possess you and that was enough for you to want to jump?"

"No...I...I don't remember why I was willing to jump..." Alec stammered. "I mean I just...I...yeah...I'm not that important... I'm not half as important as your box of memories..."

"ALEXANDER!" Magnus shouted at him raising his voice, he did not want to do that, god he hated when he said things like that. "Stop it this instant. I thought we moved past that box? I thought you knew that you are just as important to me - if not more - more important than EVERYONE. You are my soulmate, and it took me goddamn centuries to figure that out." 

Alec breathed in a exasperating sigh but not meaning to, but he didn't like being yelled at. "I'm sorry okay? Yeah, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of not being remembered. I'm terrified that I will just become a memory to you, and that's all I'll ever be..."

"Just a memory, no, Alec. You will be the best memory, more than what's in that box. You will live on forever in my heart as the love of my life, and my soulmate."

"All my life I've been compared to Jace, the better looking one, the one that fought harder than me, all I do is over work, and I get no recognition for it, and everyone looks down at me because I'm dating a Warlock..." Alec explained on verge of tears, he didn't want to admit all this, he never thought would have to, but bottling this up was only eating him alive and it would suck later on.

"Thank you for answering me Alec, but let me ask you this? Do you regret that you are dating a "Warlock"? Do you purposely work too hard and forget you're dating _me_ just so your parents will like you more?"

"What! No! I just mean, it hurts. And yeah, I forget sometimes because I do want to be perfect."

"We can't be perfect, Alec. I love you, but you aren't perfect. Perfect for me, but you aren't perfect, and if you think no one is going to remember you - you have it all wrong. Those insecurities you have brought to a ledge, and if it wasn't for me, and what Clary really was saying - we would have all lost you that night...and believe me...the world would not be the same without you. Do you believe me Alec? Do you understand that you are worth the life you are living? That you are somebody and that not just me, but everyone you surround yourself with love you will all their heart?"

Alec's eyes welled up with tears, the good kind of tears though because he never thought it until now, and he wasn't exactly sure why he thought no one would miss him, but it's how he felt growing up in Jace's shadow. He nodded softly, pouting almost not able to speak but just cry softly.

"Alexander," Magnus said softly wiping his tears for him, and gently kissing his forehead. "Remember when you asked me what my biggest fear was?"

"Acid washed jeans..." Alec choked on laugh from his crying.

Magnus gave a chuckle, his eyes squinting, but he got serious, "But when Max was hurt, and you and I were fighting, I shared the memory with you...do you remember? Well, you know now...it's losing someone I love, but not just anyone now...just you. My biggest fear is losing you, and knowing in the future...years...from now...that I will lose you scares me... _I don't think I can live without you_." 

Alec swallowed, again those tears slipping down his face. "Magnus, I love you. I don't think I can live without you...please don't make me." He sniffled burring himself into Magnus' pillow, pulling him in closer to him. 

"You understand now? You promise me that if it ever gets too much, and if you ever feel like you aren't good enough from anything that happens to you, that you will come to me and let me talk you out of it, and let me remind you of just how important you are to me and the rest of the entire world?"

"I promise. Do you promise?" Alec asked him back, he knew Magnus knew exactly what he meant. 

"I promise, Alexander. Why don't I take you up on your offer - will you move in with me?" Magnus smirked as he asked him, looking into those excited eyes of his boyfriend.

"You really mean it? And I can share all your clothes?"

"...well the ones that fit you anyhow...but if you happen to like one of mine, you know I can easily make you one?"

Alec smirked, his features turning into nothing but playful as he just rolled over on top of him and bumped his forehead with his to kiss him wildly. His naked body grinding hard against him, falling in between his legs. "Are you sure?" 

"I have never been so sure in my life, and I'm sorry myself, Alec. I am sorry for waiting so long to speak about all this, I couldn't bare it myself anymore..."

"Shhh, I've got you, and I've never felt so alive..." Alec promised and with a sigh, he fell forward again and continued their kiss...

TBC.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not done, this could go on forever... and the best part of all is that after not writing for 2 years... I never ever thought I would be able to write for this fandom, so thank you so much for all the kudos and comments to keep me going.


End file.
